Knit and That

The Bottom and a Shovel

Well, you can always dig.

The last few weeks, in my head, I've told myself crying and complaining fixes and changes nothing. It might feel good to break down and just howl and shed some tears, but nothing will change.

I've watched a friend of mine who has no job, a child, receive government assistance and complain about how they cannot make ends meet. I feel bad for them. I really do.

I also look at the fact that I work three jobs, my husband works a job, we are not eligible for government assistance, and we aren't making it anymore.

Hell, a week ago, I got the notice the bank wanted to Repo my truck. An angel swooped in to lessen my burden, and I cannot thank him enough for letting me keep food on my table when the bank wanted my entire paycheck for the next few months. I don't understand why banks don't understand that when you lose your job, or at least go from 40 hours to maybe 5 a week, that times are tough. It's hard being able to afford groceries on that type of income, let alone utilities and such. Not complaining, but damn, I am trying. Gods know I am trying.

I don't want to call it the final nail in the coffin, but our mortgage has gone to a collection agency. So I guess it's just a matter of time, something we don't have, but if we did, I am sure we could pull out of this hole that we are in. Even if it is 6 feet down.

Still, I can just put one foot in front of the other. Try to do what I'm doing. Stretching myself to the breaking point every day to try to make it work.

It'd be easy to give up. But I'm not programmed that way. I dislike how depression has programmed me to deal with this. Sleep. Worry. Stare blankly at the wall. When I know I should be working out: Combating the stress and depression.

I won't lie. It takes a toll on my husband when I finally break and lash out in anger at anything and everything. We walk on pins and needles around each other because we both don't have any answers any more.

He's searched for another job. Got a promotion at his work. I've gone back to radio for a part time gig that helps a lot. Gotten a part time job at a grocery store. And I'm still doing the thing I'm best at and been doing for the past 4-5 years, editing audio and project managing. And on top of that, trying to cultivate my own voice work, which I sadly cannot keep up under the pressure.

I've always been a warrior woman, but this is a battle that I am losing. And not only that, losing strength to fight anymore. But fighting is all I know how to do. So there, my friends, lies the conundrum. I will go on, I'm sure. But will I lose who I am in this fight? Some days, I feel I already have.

Where I left off...

So obviously a lot has happened since I last left you. I have a lot of knitting to share and I'm going to make a conscious effort to update once to twice a week The first of many to come, I'm sure the photos speak for themselves.

Knit the Night away

Been trying to knit my worries away. It's going mostly okay I think.

Knitted up my punk hat during the Lawrence trip. Ended up ripping it out on the way up there since I made it too small. So, bigger needles (100 cast on, on size 9 this time) and I went to town. Ended up getting all the way to the decreases on Friday night. Put it down to have fun during the weekend, then finished it on the way home on Sunday. Ta da! I love it.

Last Friday, I got in a "I NEED TO KNIT NOW!" mood. So, with the most wonderful support of my boss, he bought me the pattern for the Vest "Urbanity." I'm using the Berroco Vintage in my stash to go to town on it. Sadly, I didn't get it cast on until Sunday, but not too shabby for the progress I've made so far, right?

I have about 8 more inches to go before I start working on the front panels. It's actually knitting up pretty quick. Yeah for monotonous Stockinette! It's great for watching movies and when I don't really want to think about anything. It's amazing how fast it goes when you shut your mind off.

The Maniacal Knitter

I'm sorry, I still haven't gotten any good pictures of my Jolly Rocker Bag. Mainly, because I've yet to photograph the darn thing.

I did however, find an orange and yellow fiery colorway of a cotton today. Which inspired me to make a hat and wrist bands. I will probably knit on this on the way to Lawrence tomorrow. I'm such a punk. :D

Knitting On

Certainly seems like my posts are few and far between.

I am still knitting. I have two social projects I've been working on. The Daybreak Shawl, which is in its middle stage, and a pair of skewed socks that I started, ripped out, then restarted.

However, Thursday, I finished up my Jolly Rocker Bag, pictures to come. I'm still trying to find suitable fabric for lining it so I can put some pockets on the inside as well, but overall, it came out pretty darn well. I also cast on a lacy baby sweater on Thursday, which I ended up ripping partway out since I didn't like how far down they wanted me to start the buttons. I was however, pleased to find out that I didn't have to rip it out completely and start over. I ripped out about 9 rows, picked up the stitches, and got started again. Go me!

This evening, I was able to get through the first repeat of the lace. I'm apprehensive to continue on it, because the sleeves look a bit confusing. EZ, your patterns are ingenious, but sometimes, straightforward clarification would be helpful. Oye.

Wonderful Weekend

I unofficially took the weekend off. Actually, it was Sunday before I realized that my work e-mail was still open and I took a peek at it and went, "Huh, I guess I could have done some of this...ah well. It'll wait until Monday."

Saturday was pretty darn good! My mother and I went to the Mayor's First Annual Family Bike Ride at Riverside Park, which is a block away from my place. We rode 4 miles together in the 9:30 am bike ride. It felt fantastic!

Afterward, and after a quick bite to eat, we drove around for about 20 minutes trying to find this Victorian Applique Quilt Shop. Finally finding it, I was thrilled that I found a new place to find unique buttons. I found some Pirate buttons that are perfect for my Jolly Rocker bag. They were so inspiring, I spent the rest of the day finishing the bag. I ripped out the applied I-chord because I hated it and started crocheting around the edges, then working up two straps for it, knitted in seed stitch and finished with a crochet edging.

By the time I finished Saturday, I was too tired to felt it, but I got around to it yesterday. I'm still waiting for it to dry out a bit before I put it together. I'm still undecided about a lining for it, But I love the way the front pocket turned out.

I've also been knitting away at a few other projects, some socks and such. I really am in love with Colinette Jitterbug. After browsing some patterns on Ravelry for inspiration, I came across this one! I'm really thinking about casting that on soon...if I'm brave enough, but I really have to finish some other things first.

End of the Marathon Knitting

Funny how when it's over, I feel a bit lost. Dangit! I need something for my hands to do!

So the marathon knitting was to finish some baby items for my Cousin's Baby Shower. She's having a little girl (Claire) in July. I had been working on a simple baby blanket, halfway inspired by Brooklyn Tweed's lacy Baby Blanket, since the beginning of May. Just a simple knit on the bias, increase by knit 2, yo, knit to end, then decrease by knit 1, knit 2 together, yo, knit to end.

I was just going to be a simple single crochet around the edge, but I got a crash course in Picot two weeks ago. Slightly forgetting that, Drew gave me another crash course in Crochet, and I went to town adding a ruffle. It might be a tad sloppy, but I really am proud of how it turned out. The lilac and Chocolate go very well together.

Also, I ended up casting on another baby surprise jacket. It took a total of two days to finish it. Go me! Next time I add color, I'll remember to pick up the stitches in the main color, then switch. Still, not too shabby. The little bear buttons are too cute!

Now the question remains...what do I do next? I think I'll end up finishing Daybreak first. Once work calms down again.

And also, a picture of the mama to be and me with my hand knits.